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The First Year with a New Baby |
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Written by Mother
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That first pregnancy is a beautiful time when you dream of a small bundle wrapped in soft towels amidst powdery scents, the perfect "Johnson's baby". The tiny person you are carrying is so perfect and unblemished, the beginning of another life. Plans are made to be the perfect parents and to avoid the mistakes you have seen others make so many times. The prospect of giving birth is both an exciting and terrifying time, and endless advice is given from well-meaning friends and relatives. However, no one can prepare you for the birth itself as the joy of giving birth to a healthy child is so overwhelming that it overshadows any physical discomfort you may have felt. The first few weeks after the birth are a haze as you learn everything about this tiny new addition, and basic needs such as eating and sleeping become the ultimate goals in your own life. Gradually the haze begins to clear and you are getting more than the three hours sleep you have become accustomed to and the baby isn't mobile yet, so life seems a little easier for a while. Everyone takes advantage of your ignorance and emphasises how life will become even more hectic when the baby starts to crawl. You are just pleased to be coping with the present but there is always someone there telling you how much harder life will become. As the maternity benefit runs out, the reality of your financial situation hits you and just as you are beginning to get your figure back, you cannot afford or find the time to do the things you did before the new arrival. The choice then has to be made whether to return to work. Not only do you have to come to terms with leaving your baby with someone else but also you have to be sure you have found the right carer for your child. You torment yourself with the thought that the carer may seem suitable but that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. It is comforting to know that baby can gain far more from someone who enjoys looking after children than a mother who is resentful because she is stuck at home. Baby will also be learning to share through spending time with other children. The choice then has to be made whether to return to work. Not only do you have to come to terms with leaving your baby with someone else but also you have to be sure you have found the right carer for your child. You torment yourself with the thought that the carer may seem suitable but that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. It is comforting to know that baby can gain far more from someone who enjoys looking after children than a mother who is resentful because she is stuck at home. Baby will also be learning to share through spending time with other children.At work, it seems that you do not command the same respect you used to. Everyone has coped without you while you were on maternity leave and you feel like a square peg in a round hole now you're back, this is especially true if you decide to go back part-time. A part-time worker may seem to have the best of all worlds, that is time with the baby, time at work and a little extra money to spend, but in reality you feel that you are spreading yourself thinly and that you are not really making a good job of anything, be it your work or caring for your baby. Your sex life disappears completely for a while, you are tired all the time and you don't need the added complications of having to make an effort with your appearance, after all, you never go anywhere. It is too much effort to arrange suitable baby-sitters, especially as you are only going to worry constantly if the baby is alright. It seems that sex can never be spontaneous again; it has to revolve around the baby's timetable. You could never have imagined how this baby you both longed for could change your lives so much. Your sex life disappears completely for a while, you are tired all the time and you don't need the added complications of having to make an effort with your appearance, after all, you never go anywhere. It is too much effort to arrange suitable baby-sitters, especially as you are only going to worry constantly if the baby is alright. It seems that sex can never be spontaneous again; it has to revolve around the baby's timetable. You could never have imagined how this baby you both longed for could change your lives so much.Your emotions are in turmoil much of the time as you are tired and frustrated at having to keep a careful eye on what baby is doing all of the time and yet you also want to fiercely protect him. Taking him for his injections upsets you far more than it does him and in the early days any slight temperature or lumps and bumps have you running straight to the Doctor. Suddenly films and television programmes about families who have lost babies for whatever reasons leave you feeling devastated as you now know how it feels to have a child. It seems that as you come to the end of one stage another one always begins. With a new baby who is becoming more active day by day, life can become an ongoing battle which leads to tears and laughter for both of you. In the summer, it is the "Battle of the Sun Hat" where you keep having to retrace your steps to find where baby has thrown the hat which he refuses to wear. In the winter, it is the "Battle of the Woolly Hat, Mittens and Socks". As fast as you are putting his socks on, he is taking them off again, in temperatures of Minus 4 degrees he is refusing to wear his socks. Then when you come to wash them, you can never find a matching pair because they have always been discarded by baby at different places and times. It is also amazing how baby will eat a particular food for months and then one day suddenly decides he doesn't like it anymore, it is so hard not to get cross when the food flies across the floor you have just cleaned, but you know if you make a scene he will be even more likely to repeat the performance next mealtime. It seems that as you come to the end of one stage another one always begins. With a new baby who is becoming more active day by day, life can become an ongoing battle which leads to tears and laughter for both of you. In the summer, it is the "Battle of the Sun Hat" where you keep having to retrace your steps to find where baby has thrown the hat which he refuses to wear. In the winter, it is the "Battle of the Woolly Hat, Mittens and Socks". As fast as you are putting his socks on, he is taking them off again, in temperatures of Minus 4 degrees he is refusing to wear his socks. Then when you come to wash them, you can never find a matching pair because they have always been discarded by baby at different places and times. It is also amazing how baby will eat a particular food for months and then one day suddenly decides he doesn't like it anymore, it is so hard not to get cross when the food flies across the floor you have just cleaned, but you know if you make a scene he will be even more likely to repeat the performance next mealtime.The first time baby says "Mumma" warms your heart and you feel special in a way that no one else can make you feel. With each frustration, there always seems to be some reward, be it the first smile, the first word or the first step. You look forward to baby's first birthday and first Christmas and are excited at the prospect of watching him open his presents only to find that he still wants to play with your hi-fi and video recorder rather than the nice new Noddy car so carefully chosen. You look forward to baby's first birthday and first Christmas and are excited at the prospect of watching him open his presents only to find that he still wants to play with your hi-fi and video recorder rather than the nice new Noddy car so carefully chosen.It is probably true that some aspects of motherhood get harder as baby gets older but the rewards are increasing all the time. The idyllic "Johnson's baby" has now become a person in their own right, sticky fingers and grubby knees are here to stay for a while. |
