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I am trying to lose weight. PDF Print E-mail
Written by Agony Aunt   

Dear Agony Aunt, I am feeling very depressed,

my husband is beating down on me all the time
i have been goint to a gym since january, lost 7lbs but no more, not putting weight on though, but my husband said he is getting fed up with me not losing as other people he knows(ladies) seem to be losing.

i did not react to him as i was feeling very hurt and sad, I do try very hard, i do not eat chocolate, biscuits or any sweets, i do eat healthy, i try to explain this to him but he does not believe me.
i have scrambled egg on toast for breakfst
  weght watchers sandwiches with cheese and slim mayo.

fruit, slimming yoqurt, then tea consisting

boiled new potatoes, veg, either salmon or chicken

drink at least 7 glasses of wine in a week.

what am i doing wrong???

I have been marrieds for nearly 20 years, I was a size 12 when got married

I am now a 16 from an 18  just so fed up of trying, i think my husband want's to leave me for someone slimmer and attractive, not found her yet but when he does he will be off.

well that's me on the scrap heap, after all those years of mental torture.

Sick and Tired




Dear Sick and Tired

I think you have done very well to lose the weight you have done.
You talk about the diet as if you are doing it only for your husband, You should lose weight for your own good.

A fitter healthier you will be a happier you.

As far as your diet goes it may be worth cutting out the wine, how much exercise do you get?

Take the kids to a local park with a frisbee or football, walk the dogs, offer to walk a neighbours dogs.

I think you may be blaimng your unhappiness on your weight, when in fact your weight may have gone up because you were unhappy.

Have you tried talking to your husband about how unhappy you are? Have you considered marriage guidance counselling?

Keep up with the healthy eating, get more exercise and try to expand your social life. Look at evening classes or even go to a dance class this will combine exercise with socialising.

Ask your husband if he would like to join you at the classes, maybe doing something together will help to reignite the spark that brought you together.

Good Luck

Agony Aunt

Show (3) - Add comments:

Comments

hey....
you dont say your size but you sound really small and petite as you eat healthy and exercise so i dont see a problem but if your husband loves you then he wont care how big or how round you are and if he is jus making you loose more wight then just tell him to lay off a little...good luck
chloe.x.x.x

Posted by chloe, on 06/18/2008 at 04:43

It seems your unhappiness with your marriage and your husband's behaviour need to be addressed before the issue of losing weight.

If you were happier it wouldn't be as hard to lose weight. You would need to quit drinking alcohol or have only 1-2 drinks of wine max per week; wine& alcoholic drinks are full of calories. Plus, you'd need to go the gym 2-3 times a week for an hour or so, as cutting down food without exercise doesn't usually work. Walking also helps a lot. You could also take up yoga or dancing or swimming. Anything you enjoy which will help you lose weight.

The above tips will help you. But ultimately you have to lose weight for YOURSELF- FOR YOUR HEALTH AND SELF CONFIDENCE. NOT FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

If your husband was concerned for your health only that's understandable. But he shouldn't be criticizing you and making you feel bad. You're his wife- and regardless of how much you weighed when you got married- he took a vow to stay with you for better or for worse. Also, people get old and sick all the time. How would he feel if he put on weight or lost his hair and you were unsupportive?

You need to sit your husband down and explain that you're unhappy with the way he's treating you; that being critical and comparing you to other women is unacceptable. He needs to go to counseling with you to work on issues related to the marriage. He could be using this weight issue as an excuse for other issues. If he won't go, then you need to go alone so you can decide if you want to stay in this marriage.

Once you feel better and you've made a decision about your marriage, it will be easier for you to go to a gym and cut out drinking so you lose weight. But it will only work if you're committed to it because you're doing it for YOURSELF. If you're not and it's not a health issue, then there's no point trying to lose weight. If you DO want to get slimmer, then it's also a good idea to walk and go to the gym with girlfriends who are supportive, so you feel better.

Remember that everyone has a different body type and a different metabolism, so don't allow anyone to compare you to others. We're all unique.

I hope you lose weight for your health and confidence- and that your husband either learns some compassion. Otherwise, you should lose him along with the weight!:)

Show him this letter if it helps. Good luck.

Posted by Lisa, on 05/28/2008 at 02:09

Hi Sick and Tired,
I really feel for you; I know what it is like to be in an abusive relationship. I think your relationship is making you unhappy at the moment, therefore you have put weight on as a subconscious 'shield' against your husband hurting you. Try and sort your relationship out first. Ask your husband, if he'd go to marriage guidance with you. If he really cares about you, he will at least be willing to talk to you.
When you feel more secure in your relationship, you can think about losing weight. But do it for you, not him. Try just having one glass of wine a week, or drink low cal. wine. Continue with the diet, but realise, that your eating habits have to change for life, or you'll just put all the weight back on again. Get some exercise which you enjoy, if you don't enjoy it you won't keep it up. Take a friend with you for company and support if you like.
Also check with your gp, if there's anything physical stopping you from losing weight; maybe also a counsellor just for you could help you realise just what it is that you want from your life.
Hope this helps, lots of love, Katt.

Posted by Katt, on 05/01/2008 at 19:11
 1 
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