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I quit university and came home

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Written by Agony Aunt

Agony Aunt I need some live ad
I met my boyfriend when I was 19 (I'm 25 now) and just about to go into my second year at university. I met him at home in the summer break and he was my first real boyfriend. We had 2 months together before I went back and we were inseparable. He hated me being down there because he said he missed me. I used to come back home nearly every weekend to be with him and the weekends I didn't he used to phone me all the time and got moody if I was out with my friends most of whom were male.

I had already been struggling with my course, and with coming home every weekend my work slipped even more. So halfway through my second year I quit university and came home permanently. I was perfectly happy with this. I got myself trained up in accounts and now I have a really good job.

We had been together nearly 2 years when my parents split up. My Mum moved in with my Aunty and my Dad stayed with a friend. It basically left me with no option but to move in with my boyfriend. We rented a lovely house together and were quite happy. There were a few problems however. We were both in well paid jobs and didn't struggle to pay for things. However we both agree now looking back that we maybe weren't ready at the time. We argued a lot and still do. He also never does much in the house. He doesn't cook - says he can't even though I've shown him stuff and very rarely tidies up. He says that because he's a mechanic and fixes my car that he does his bit. He also got very jealous if I ever had any male friends, that weren't his. It ended up that the only friends I had were his.

Things plodded for a few years. Then late last year when our rent up for renewal we decided to buy a house. We moved in December last year and everything was ok until in March this year my Aunty who I was very close to died suddenly. I didn't take it very well and for a while went out drinking a lot to try and block out the grief. My boyfriend always came but the arguing got worse and he would quite often leave me in town with our friends and storm off home. I do realise I made it hard for him but what I really needed was his support. During this time I got very close to one of our male friends who offered me his support and said I could talk to him whenever I wanted. This friend then said he loved me. I was very confused by this and something nearly happened between us however I stopped it before it went beyond a kiss.

I think my boyfriend always thought that something more had gone on between us. I cut this friend out of my life but he still wasn't happy and we began arguing even more. By August this year we were barely talking or doing anything together. We very rarely had sex and he'd spend the nights on his x box while I was upstairs on the pc. I got lonely and bored. I still felt a lot of grief and anger over my Aunty's death and I just wanted to talk to someone. Whenever I tried to talk to my boyfriend he would get angry that I was interrupting his game on the x box.

So I started talking to people in chat rooms. I met this guy there who was really really nice to me and seemed really genuine and funny. I text him all day and I met up with him a few times and really enjoyed spending time with him and a felt wanted again. My boyfriend found out about this a few weeks ago and after a lot of talking he says he wants to make a go of our relationship, but that I have to change back to 'the old me'. However this new guy wants to make a go of things with me and says he'll treat me really well (which I do genuinely believe, I've already met his family etc).

I really don't know what to do. I hate the thought of hurting my boyfriend, but I do think we'd maybe make better friends that partners. And things were already pretty bad with us. He would never hold my hand in public and very rarely said he loved me. He would also ignore me quite often when out with his friends and disregard my feelings if it stopped him doing something he wanted to.

Sorry for the rambling post but my head is messed up and confused at the moment. Can you please help me clear my thoughts?

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Comments

Your relationship with your boyfriend has sadly turned sour, and it IS time to move on. He doesn't treat you well& you don't communicate. I feel you got into the relationship too soon- and it's time to end it honourably before you move on with anyone else.

Again, it's also a good idea to review mentally what went wrong in this relationship so as to avoid making the same mistakes in the next. Good luck. You're young; move on and be happy. As long as you don't cheat on anyone, you have nothing to be sorry for. Always end one relationship before you start another; that way no one gets hurt.

Posted by Lisa, on 04/03/2008 at 01:39

How old is your boyfriend 12 years of age, anyway he is very self obsorbed, yes he may love you but he also wants a mother not a lover, you are to young to commit to this type of abuse, dont jump into another mans arms sort out your emotional issues first, stay friends with this man and take your time. dont forget you have a mortgage with your x partner that will take some sorting out. stop stressing everything has a natural order let it flow.

Posted by queenie, on 02/05/2008 at 04:39

From what i've read you and your boyfriend have stopped communicating with each other and you also stopped having fun together.The mistake that most couples make when they move in together is they stop being each others friends. You need to try and communicate if you want out of the relationship make sure you leave not because of someone else but because you have tried all you can and yet things didn't work out.Make sure you have no unfinished business(anger,resentment).Also find out what went wrong cause when we end one relationship and start another without running an autopsy of the last one we run the risk of contaminating the new one with our past.

Posted by eugenia, on 01/03/2008 at 02:21

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