I'm pretty confused right now. About a year ago, I met this girl on a website
& we became pretty good friends. She lives in the Isle of Wight & I live
in Manchester. So she introduced me to this guy in the Summer, who introduced me
to his friends.
One of his friends is called J, and we've been talking
online for a few months & we've become really close. I'd consider him one of
my best friends. I started developing feelings for him a few weeks ago, and it's
been really confusing for me, because the last time I had a relationship online
was when I was twelve, and the guy I was 'dating' was sixteen.. it didn't work
out so well.
So I'm fourteen now. And I think I've matured. However,
I've only ever had one proper boyfriend {offline} and that didn't work out so
well either, so basically I've had a pretty disastrous lovelife so far. Ha.
Five days ago, I told Joe how I felt about him, which I was really proud
about because I'm actually really shy and have never been able to say anything
like that, not even online.
But J just said that he wasn't expecting
it & that he was confused. Although then he said he had some thinking to do,
and decisions to make.
And a few days after that, he told one of our
friends that he'd been making a choice about me. He's been ultra sweet to me as
well. He's the nicest boy I think I've ever spoken to, to be quite honest. I
thought it might be awkward after I told him, but it hasn't really. He always
'virtually' hugs me and we have debates about which one of us loves the other
most. I think as friends, because I know I don't love him yet. :)
I
understand this probably sounds a bit jumbled & mumbled.. I'm really sorry.
I'm just really confused.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately, and
I get a swooping feeling in my stomach when I think about him, and my heart
starts thudding and it feels as if my insides are squirming. Which I find super
weird, because.. he's someone I know online!
My friends, who are his
friends too, have told me that they reckon he acts differently around me and
that they think that he likes me too, but I'm not so sure because wouldn't he
have told me by now? Especially since I've told him how I feel about him. But
then I think maybe it's because we know each other online, and that's the
decision he's been making? He's been deciding whether an online relationship
would work.
Recently, I feel as if I've been neglecting my other online
friends - they're my best friends - because all I've been talking about is him,
& all I really go on MSN for is to see if he's online. If he's not, I wait
for him. He texts me a lot too. His texts always make me smile like crazy. In
fact, I smile like crazy every time I think about him, everytime someone says
the name 'J', everytime I talk to him...
Today he was going home from
a relatives house a few hours away, and he said to me, "what if I don't make it
back?" and I said, "What do you mean?" and he said, "Car crash. Smashboom." So I
said, "Don't say that! Text me so I know you're alive?"
And he did text
me. :)
"Still living H. Still miss you H. Still love you more H.
x"
I'm supposed to be going to the Island in the Summer to meet all my
friends there - I've gathered quite a few. My mum approves. She says she'll
accompany me on the journey. :)
But J might be moving before I go
there! :O To somewhere on the 'mainland', so he might be even closer to
me.
I'm actually determined to meet him, because then I'd just hug him
for a very long time. Because all I want to do right now is hold him. It's a bit
pathetic, I'm aware, but he really is the nicest boy I've ever known. And he
makes me smile. And laugh.
And cry.
Because sometimes I think
I'll never get to hug him, and that just makes my stomach drop. It makes me
really sad to think that.
Although, I'd be so happy to meet him! I really
would. I don't really know how to explain it. Even if we never, ever go out with
each other.. I'd just be so happy just to be his friend. I don't know how I'd
cope if we lost our friendship. At the moment, he's like the only thing I think
about. I can't seem to push him out of my mind, and every thing seems to remind
me of him.
We have a lot in common as well. He has the best taste in
music. :) When we met, we discussed our favorite song.. we both said that Paper
Wings by Rise Against was our favorite song. :) He told me that it's his alarm
tone, and when he wakes up in the morning it makes him think, "Hi H." :)
There's also a song that reminds me of him. Miles Apart, by Yellowcard.
The part that reminds me of him the most is, "We'll be miles apart, I'll keep
you deep inside, you're always in my heart." because it's true. :(
I
could go on for hours, just speaking about him and how wonderful he is, but I
really must get some sleep.
I'm so sorry it's so long!
Thanks
for the help.
P.S. How do I stop myself from sounding
desperate? :| And will he ever make a decision? I think he's trying to think
of a way to let me down gently, to be honest. :/
14 is young. It's a nice age where one has crushes - and you obviously have a crush on this boy.
He sounds nice and it's best to just be friends with him for now as you're too young for romance. As you said you can't love him yet; love is different from a crush.
Love will come when you're older and the time is right. So enjoy your friendship and your crush on this boy- and see him with yr mom. But don't rush anything.
Posted by Lisa, on 05/29/2008 at 02:45
aww, this guy sounds really sweet. He does sound like hes interested in you to send cute texts and stuff. but unfortunately i know a few guys like that who do it to a lot of girls and are just big flirts. you need to have other things in your life aswell, because when you're apart its easy to be lovely, but guys panic and back away when it comes to any real commitment. and long distance relationships rarely work. you arent together in a realistic setting, so it doesnt work in real life. i learnt so much stuff when i was 14, about boys, life and myself. im still only 16 [nearly 17] and i know ive got a lot to learn, but just remember if you make one guy your world, what happens if he goes away?
Posted by Ashleigh, on 04/02/2008 at 11:59
mmmm everythings ultra perfect. meet him, then it'll all become clear.
Posted by ellen, whose homepage is here on 02/16/2008 at 19:55
Look, im 14 myself, i know a guy from the internet, my feelings for him are exscatly what your feelings are for your guy, except my guy lives all the way in america. He is coming down, and i know it sounds stupid but i believe something is going to come of our relationship. What ever you feel for this guy! Embrace it!! Its your feelings here, and they are not playing tricks on you. If you truely love this guy. Then the time will come. Follow your heart! Love Rachel xxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by Rachel, on 02/10/2008 at 14:23
I lost my virginity to an internet lover but i met him several times and the first time was with his mother and mine at the meeting place. First of all babe you really have to worry about safety. This guy could be a 42 year old man possing as a guy your age. thats the big issue here and you need to tread really carefully. Also dont rush thing with your love life! Your prob a very beautiful young woman and when men are ready to come to you in real life they will. With me it was when i turned 17. it was like a lightbulb turned on and there were the men and since then (im now 18) i have had a few serious relationship. just because there not happening now doesnt mean you cant get a boyfriend. thirdly in my opinion i really regret losing my virginity to the internet date and i wish id waited. You always beleive they are there for you even if there miles away but the truth is they dont. You cant hug them when ever you want physically or kiss them and it gets emotionally draining. My final bit of advice is get to know yourself learn what you need and want from relationships in general it might atcually suprise you. And please remeber you are 14 you have a long and happy future ahead of you. i hope my advice has been some help to you. Tenshi xox
Posted by Megan, on 02/04/2008 at 12:14
i think he sounds really nice but i also dont think you should make any decisions till you actually meet him and maybe wat your feeling is you kust getting mumbled up inside because you want a relationship and you love the idea of someone loving you so just be careful xxx[b][/b]
Posted by laura, on 01/26/2008 at 12:03
im the same age as you and i know how you feel. i think you need to know him properly in real life to know how he feels about you becuase when online people can develop different personalities. so continue to talk to him properly if you know he is safe and your age. but dont spend your life thinking about him. because though you may think highly of him and he may of you... you cant possibly develop a proper relationship online. and if you doo meet up with him take some older/safer people along with you. i do think you need to know him better in real life thoguh. so please be careful and good luck x
Posted by fran, on 01/26/2008 at 12:02
don't make any desicions untill you meet him in general k
